POWER OF VULNERABILITY
For years, I hid behind the mask of confidence— that which I wore to cover up the struggle that plagued me.
I was known as a diligent student way back. It earned me the top grade student badge. Trust me, I never cease any opportunity given to me, to tell of how brilliant I was. It was my hardwork after all and I can as well take pride from it.
I was known as a diligent student way back. It earned me the top grade student badge. Trust me, I never cease any opportunity given to me, to tell of how brilliant I was. It was my hardwork after all and I can as well take pride from it.
My misery began right after I was called to the administrative office. Betty, the new student swept me off my feet. She took my spot— a position that should be reserved to me only. She brought in this fear I never thought I had and the valid attention I got from teachers and fellow students drifted to her.
I had to fight back. I had to get back what was mine first. The late night and constant reading was a price my body ought to pay. I was glad to do the extra just to get back those praises and accolades
I had to fight back. I had to get back what was mine first. The late night and constant reading was a price my body ought to pay. I was glad to do the extra just to get back those praises and accolades
And when it was finally the moment to show them, I wasn’t accepting the downfall. I was going to take back my position.
As I sat down on the desk, before me was the answer sheet. My heart couldn't stop thumping so fast, my clenching fists were full of sweetness and there I was staring at the blank paper. “What if I fail again” “what if she beats me again” As the clock ticked away I couldn't bring myself to answer those questions I read so much for. The fear consumed me that all I read to prepare for the exam deserted me.
As I sat down on the desk, before me was the answer sheet. My heart couldn't stop thumping so fast, my clenching fists were full of sweetness and there I was staring at the blank paper. “What if I fail again” “what if she beats me again” As the clock ticked away I couldn't bring myself to answer those questions I read so much for. The fear consumed me that all I read to prepare for the exam deserted me.
From that moment, my grade felt the consequences. From Betty getting my position, I hit the button rock that session and it didn't end until we graduated from high school. This test anxiety took a hold on me, never to lose grip.
It has become a reality I need no one to remind me of. With time I never saw the need to read for the exam. Why sacrifice so much, when the outcome is very glaring? I totally resign to my newfound perplexity.
It has become a reality I need no one to remind me of. With time I never saw the need to read for the exam. Why sacrifice so much, when the outcome is very glaring? I totally resign to my newfound perplexity.
And the fear of sharing this problem had a stronger hold than the problem itself. To be laughed at and made fun of. It was a chance I wasn't ready to take on. I would rather take these falls than show vulnerability. Never!
PS: We always think vulnerability means weakness. It's scary to open up, to risk being hurt, laughed at or rejected.We would ask; what if people see the real me and don't like what they see? But what if... what if being vulnerable sets me free?
Never underestimate the power of vulnerability.
PS: We always think vulnerability means weakness. It's scary to open up, to risk being hurt, laughed at or rejected.We would ask; what if people see the real me and don't like what they see? But what if... what if being vulnerable sets me free?
Never underestimate the power of vulnerability.