CAGE OF DEPRESSION
Those moments still flash before me. It was the darkest time of my life that constantly brought untold sadness and pain to my wearying soul. I glance at the mirror in my room everyday in search of purpose to live again because that life was a living death— I was a dead being in a living body.
And you know what?
And you know what?
I locked those feelings in my heart, carrying this burden wholeheartedly in pain. I hid them away from family and friends. Faking happiness which was never there. I always put on this smiling face to them while I die from the frustration and depression. Yea, you never can tell what the heart hides; no wonder they said the best place to be hidden away is in the human's heart.
This was how I lived after high school. Being one of the vibrant students of my alma mater made me see the world as an easy and one-way journey.
Yea, you guess right
What does a girl of seventeen know about the world and its struggles? She probably eats three square meals because her parents could provide it and all she always needed was made available by them.
Yea, you guess right
What does a girl of seventeen know about the world and its struggles? She probably eats three square meals because her parents could provide it and all she always needed was made available by them.
I knew nothing about struggle or life challenges. I had the perfect life with my parents and siblings, though it was not as much as you may think but we were content and that's one thing I love so much about my family.
So after my high school sign out came the struggle which most teenagers of my age pass through. Those life plans of getting to this stage at this age or acquiring these qualifications and those standards of living syndrome.
Not until those fantasies we dream about fades away for the reality to take its rightful place.
Please, don't get me wrong.
It is very good to have dreams but choosing suicide, unhappiness and depression because those dreams goes otherwise is inapt of us.
Please, don't get me wrong.
It is very good to have dreams but choosing suicide, unhappiness and depression because those dreams goes otherwise is inapt of us.
But that was the complete opposite of what I believed and lived by. Yea, the feeling of worthlessness and depression gripped the whole of me and shattered my being. Nothing ever seemed right and I felt abandoned by God.
Remember I hid these feelings to myself and that was the worst. I would soak my pillow in tears every other night and wake up with those fake smiles.
Remember I hid these feelings to myself and that was the worst. I would soak my pillow in tears every other night and wake up with those fake smiles.
At some point I couldn't hide them. The frustration and depression brought its accomplice. I got agitated on little matters and hardly laughed, not even those fake smiles. Mummy would ask what's wrong with me but what could I possibly say to her. I thought of them as my little demons, which I could fight and overcome. I always had this mindset of overcoming my problems by myself without sharing but this very monster of youths was on the verge of holding me captive in his cage of depression and self worthlessness.
Then, that fateful day, I let it all out from my heart. I emptied these emotions and was void of them. My younger sister was planning to take the JAMB examination (JOINT ADMISSION MATRICULATION BOARD) and my parents gave their consent to her. That was the peak of what I could tolerate from an ill fated life. I was mad at everyone and I let it all out— the way I truly felt.
That was what I needed; to speak out the way I feel and that was the beginning of my healing process. I felt less burdened and my parents sour means to my healing treatment through their show of love, advice and therapy sections.
I finally found strength in those pain I thought I felt. They were not my weakness after all, they were unknown strengths hidden in my state of depression and peer pressure.
I'm living the best way I can because those setbacks are preparing me for a greater flight.
I finally found strength in those pain I thought I felt. They were not my weakness after all, they were unknown strengths hidden in my state of depression and peer pressure.
I'm living the best way I can because those setbacks are preparing me for a greater flight.