CAGE OF DEPRESSION

CAGE OF DEPRESSION


Home


Favour Samuel

Jul 24, 2024

Share: Centered Image            
Those moments still flash before me. It was the darkest time of my life that constantly brought untold sadness and pain to my wearying soul. I glance at the mirror in my room everyday in search of purpose to live again because that life was a living death— I was a dead being in a living body.

And you know what?
I locked those feelings in my heart, carrying this burden wholeheartedly in pain. I hid them away from family and friends. Faking happiness which was never there. I always put on this smiling face to them while I die from the frustration and depression. Yea, you never can tell what the heart hides; no wonder they said the best place to be hidden away is in the human's heart.
This was how I lived after high school. Being one of the vibrant students of my alma mater made me see the world as an easy and one-way journey.


Yea, you guess right
What does a girl of seventeen know about the world and its struggles? She probably eats three square meals because her parents could provide it and all she always needed was made available by them.

I knew nothing about struggle or life challenges. I had the perfect life with my parents and siblings, though it was not as much as you may think but we were content and that's one thing I love so much about my family.


So after my high school sign out came the struggle which most teenagers of my age pass through. Those life plans of getting to this stage at this age or acquiring these qualifications and those standards of living syndrome.

Not until those fantasies we dream about fades away for the reality to take its rightful place.


Please, don't get me wrong.
It is very good to have dreams but choosing suicide, unhappiness and depression because those dreams goes otherwise is inapt of us.
But that was the complete opposite of what I believed and lived by. Yea, the feeling of worthlessness and depression gripped the whole of me and shattered my being. Nothing ever seemed right and I felt abandoned by God.


Remember I hid these feelings to myself and that was the worst. I would soak my pillow in tears every other night and wake up with those fake smiles.
At some point I couldn't hide them. The frustration and depression brought its accomplice. I got agitated on little matters and hardly laughed, not even those fake smiles. Mummy would ask what's wrong with me but what could I possibly say to her. I thought of them as my little demons, which I could fight and overcome. I always had this mindset of overcoming my problems by myself without sharing but this very monster of youths was on the verge of holding me captive in his cage of depression and self worthlessness.
Then, that fateful day, I let it all out from my heart. I emptied these emotions and was void of them. My younger sister was planning to take the JAMB examination (JOINT ADMISSION MATRICULATION BOARD) and my parents gave their consent to her. That was the peak of what I could tolerate from an ill fated life. I was mad at everyone and I let it all out— the way I truly felt.
That was what I needed; to speak out the way I feel and that was the beginning of my healing process. I felt less burdened and my parents sour means to my healing treatment through their show of love, advice and therapy sections.


I finally found strength in those pain I thought I felt. They were not my weakness after all, they were unknown strengths hidden in my state of depression and peer pressure.


I'm living the best way I can because those setbacks are preparing me for a greater flight.

Related Posts



DARK ROOM

In the dark room, this feeling crapped in. I felt so uneasy, like i was…


GONE


The things, I never say

Dear diary, It's been awhile since we last talked. Yes, it's been three months since…


The things, I never say

Dear diary, It's been awhile since we last talked. Yes, it's been three months since…


Mon Cher Amor, My Sweet Love, My Valentine

She always stood firm with her armor willing to fight. with her shoulder up high…


A LETTER TO MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS

“Hey, after the WAEC Exam, what's next?” “What are your plans?”


BROKEN

He dared to ask me not to take his son away from him. His son?…


CRACK

Growing up, we were taught to have big dreams and work toward achieving them. We…


NOT AGAIN!

I never knew what it was like to have a father figure. I happen to…


NOT AGAIN!

I never knew what it was like to have a father figure. I happen to…


CENSURE.

MONDAY, 9:35am Awka, Nigeria


HER STORY

Their chants repeat in strong rhythmical manners to my hearing; a vocal praise full of…


BOOK REVIEW — THE DEVIL IN MY HEAD.


BOOK REVIEW; YOU ARE YOUNG NOT STUPID BY KINGSLEY NNAEMEKA


COMPARE AND DESPAIR

Ade and Emeka have been friends way back from their university school days. They were…


SOCIAL MEDIA


BOOK REVIEW _ WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS.


ONE OF US IS LYING.

LEO POV


ONE OF US IS LYING 2

SANDRA'S POV


SELF-HELPY_ TWO WOMEN ON A TRAIN

I couldn't sleep well at night. Different thoughts came flashing before my face. Yea, this…


BOOK REVIEW — THE STUDENTS' BLUEPRINT TO SUCCEEDING AT BOTH SCHOOL AND ONLINE BUSINESS.


LIFE HAPPENS

We all had our lives planned out. “ I will have my first degree at…


BEING A TEEN

Hey, come closer. My name is Chukwuzaram Ofordebe but my friends call me Zaram, which…


PARENTHOOD AND PARENTING.

Parenthood comes with the most tedious and challenging moment of any parents. It is time…


THE VOICE.


TALES OF A YOUTH


WHY YOU'RE BROKE! BY EMMANUEL AKPE

BOOK REVIEW WHY YOU'RE BROKE!


The Smart Money Woman By Arese Ugwu

“Success is deeply rooted in having a solid plan that is tailored to what you…


BLISS

It's raining cats and dogs today, it seems like the earth would be swallowed. It…


LOST WRITERCRAFT

I ANONYMOUSLY WRITE TO ALL WRITERS OF THE WORLD.


A MESSAGE TO MY FATHER

I don't seem to tell you enough how lucky and thankful you made me. I…


BOOK REVIEW — THE HOUSEMAID

BOOK REVIEW


BOOK REVIEW — THE HOUSEMAID'S SECRET

BOOK REVIEW BOOK TITLE: THE HOUSEMAID'S SECRET AUTHOR: FREIDA McFADDEN GENRE: PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER


STRESS OF MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood is no child's play. It requires commitment, dedication and likewise more. It is just…


IF WE MUST LIVE

Can one really elude these pains from oneself? In slavery I was born and the…


BOOK REVIEW— THE HOUSEMAID IS WATCHING

BOOK REVIEW


VALE OF TEARS

I stood still and all I could possibly see was life flashing before my eyes.…


BEFORE YOU DIE.

When we are asked by a person—”When is it best to die?” Almost time our…


WHO ARE YOU?

During those lonely moments, she would stand before the mirror hung right in front of…


CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

You know when they say “Train up a child in the way he should go:…


BOOK REVIEW — THE 85 UNDENIABLE FACTS OF LIFE

BOOK REVIEW BOOK TITLE: THE 85 UNDENIABLE FACTS OF LIFE BOOK AUTHOR: ROBERT WILLIAM


BOOK REVIEW — HOW TO DIE FAMOUS


BOOK REVIEW: THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


MY BODY IS MY CRIME


BOOK REVIEW: AFTER I DO


BOOK REVIEW: NEXT LEVEL THINKING

BOOK REVIEW BOOK TITLE: NEXT LEVEL THINKING BOOK AUTHOR: JOEL OSTEEN ‘10 POWERFUL THOUGHTS FOR…


DEAR SOMI


BOOK REVIEW — AN ANONYMOUS GIRL BY GREER HENDRICKS & SARAH PAKKANEN

BOOK REVIEW


BOUNCING BACK FROM FAILURE

It was the weekend, which is the best day of the week for me. I…


BOOK REVIEW: VERITY BY COLLEEN HOOVER


BOOK REVIEW: CONFESS BY COLLEEN HOOVER


ADULTING 101: HOW TO NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD

Bad day has a way of playing with one's mind. You feel less of yourself,…


BOOK REVIEW: EAT THAT FROG! BY BRIAN TRACY


BOOK REVIEW: THE ART OF CREATIVE THINKING BY JOHN ADAIR


BOOK REVIEW: THE SEVEN HUSBANDS OF EVELYN HUGO BY TAYLOR JENKINS REID


BOOK REVIEW: IT ENDS WITH US BY COLLEEN HOOVER


LOST

I have always heard people say that our 20’s is the best part of life…


THE BITTER TRUTH

And at that moment your life starts flashing before your very eyes. It is really…


BODY POSITIVITY AND SELF ACCEPTANCE

I never really felt beautiful. Yes, you read right. Back then in secondary school I…


THE MISFITS


BOOK REVIEW: ADANNA BY ADESUWA O'MAN NWOKEDI


GRATITUDE


BOOK REVIEW: AKWAUGO BY ROSEMARY OKAFOR


MORAL DILEMMA

She was lying on the hospital bed and her bloodshot eyes were gazing to nothingness.…


BOOK REVIEW: INFLUENCE HER BY AKANINYENE AKPAN


THE GOLDEN CHILD

Growing up, I always thought that my sister was the golden child. She was smart,…


BOOK REVIEW: OGADINMA BY UKAMAKA OLISAKWE

BOOK REVIEW BOOK TITLE: OGADINMA BOOK AUTHOR: UKAMAKA OLISAKWE GENRES: Young Adult Fiction, African Literature,…


POWER OF VULNERABILITY


UNSPOKEN FEELINGS

I sat at the plastic chair in my small room, staring blankly at the wall.…


INADEQUACY AND INFERIORITY


ALWAYS CHOOSE 'YOU'

I grew up in a family where I was taught that putting others first was…


DISCOVER YOUR PASSION

THE DAY I FOUND MYSELF…. Those days are still vivid in my memory – days…


BOOK REVIEW: I AM MALALA BY MALALA YOUSAFZAI WITH CHRISTINA LAMB

Centered Image