GRATITUDE
It has been a year, two months, three days and twenty one hours since I lost him. A burden made heavier by my own conflicted desires. Bidding him farewell, I once thought was the key to this feeling of blame I bottled in my heart. At least some part of me yearned for it, so I thought.
He was an idol, whom I held high at the pinnacle. An icon in which I revered. A man I so much looked up to with admiration and adoration.
Who could be so perfect? He was a complete embodiment of perfection and flawless.
His appearance was nothing less of a top notch creation by God for mankind. Most times I think my choice of words or adjective doesn't do justice to his profound physique.
Who could be so perfect? He was a complete embodiment of perfection and flawless.
His appearance was nothing less of a top notch creation by God for mankind. Most times I think my choice of words or adjective doesn't do justice to his profound physique.
Down to his unseen qualities and charisma, he was no doubt a supernumerary human—understanding, loving and caring.
He was my very own fighter and hero. With him behind me, I would be able to move mountains.
He was my very own fighter and hero. With him behind me, I would be able to move mountains.
Words fail me when I seek to express the magnitude of his presence in my life. A man whom my vocabulary can't appropriately define.
That man was my father; the man that begets me, he who supported, raised and nurtured me wholeheartedly with my mother. A man who I loved so much and admired.
That man was my father; the man that begets me, he who supported, raised and nurtured me wholeheartedly with my mother. A man who I loved so much and admired.
And just like a blink of an eye, all the adoration and reverence I thought I had for him fades away like waves of the sea. The perfection begets fallibility and that man I thought I knew all about turned into a stranger— an outsider who lost his way home and thinks my home was his too— a lookalike who wishes to live off of my father's ineffable attributes and personality.
But no, those were excuses to forgive his transgressions. A pardon to alleviate these new found negative judgments—my designed explanation to avoid that which was boldly written for me to see and accept. Guess this is where I clearly understand the phrase ‘jolt from reverie' because that was my new found reality.
How can someone change so quickly? This time you clearly know them, next time they are strangers and you doubt your beliefs about them.
How can someone change so quickly? This time you clearly know them, next time they are strangers and you doubt your beliefs about them.
Mother died out of heartbreak— she died because he was never there with and for us when we needed him madly. He was so engrossed with work and life that we became strangers. And I blamed him for destroying the family I once thought I had. He was to blame for making me a motherless child and I let these blames create distance between the bond we had. I knew that would hurt him. A punishment worth our loss.
But then again, why does it hurt me so much too? Why do I feel this pain that I think only he could subdue?
But then again, why does it hurt me so much too? Why do I feel this pain that I think only he could subdue?
Regardless, I still miss him. I still reminisce in the moments we shared and if I had the opportunity to change destiny, his demise won't be this soonest.
Blame is one enemy I won't reckon on ever again and imperfection and mistake is that which should be accepted. And of the truth, we don't know what we really have till it's gon….gone forever. My dad and I learnt it the hard way. Be grateful for those people In your life.
Blame is one enemy I won't reckon on ever again and imperfection and mistake is that which should be accepted. And of the truth, we don't know what we really have till it's gon….gone forever. My dad and I learnt it the hard way. Be grateful for those people In your life.