CENSURE.

CENSURE.


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Favour Samuel

Mar 19, 2024

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MONDAY, 9:35am
Awka, Nigeria


She looked so dull. It was difficult to tell whether she was lying silently or dead. That was how it seemed to her at first
“Ella, I'm not falling for your pranks again. Stand up from that bed and tell me why I haven't seen you for a day now” She said, waiting to hear her bursting into laughter as she always does.
“Can't you just stop already” she said, Tapping at her body.
Her body was cold and she wasn't breathing either.
In exasperation, she screamed: ‘Ella!!. She screamed the name a second, and then a third time and fell on the ground beside the bed stand. She shouted again out of fear; oh, God, she called out aloud, pushing his little hope into this doubtful call. She was not even sure what she was doing or had to do. Ella lay motionless and she ran over to her to feel her pulse, wondering if she was hallucinating.
The habitats living at IHEME LODGE came running into the room due to the loud scream.
"What is it?." One of the habitat said
"Jisos, how come? I saw her yesterday's night."The neighbor living opposite Ella's room indicated.
"So this girl is gone like this." Another habitat whispered.
Gina, was helplessly on the ground, trying so hard to comprehend what had just happened. She looked at Ella's lifeless body on the bed only to see her still putting on the bracelet she got her at her 20th birthday six months ago and how they discussed where and how they would celebrate their sign out from school, which was just around the corner.
‘'This must be a dream' Gina said, trying so hard not to succumb to reality glaring at her face.
Ella was the most beautiful girl in her department of linguistics. She had the face and the body which any man would turn twice to take another look. She was greatly endowed and also a vibrant student, who was sure of nothing less than a second class upper degree.
Gina and Ella meet as a fresher battling with their admission clearance. Gina was the social type: she worked up to her when she noticed that Ella had issues of which document to submit at the departmental office. And ever since then, both were inseparable;anywhere Ella was seen, it's a sure thing for Gina to be there or close by.
Their love of each other extended to their parents too. Gina would spend the holidays at Ella's family house and vice versa and they were more like sisters than friends coupled with the fact that both of them were the only child their parents had. So their friendship was a close one which turned into something more.
Ella was also a jovial type and always got Gina with her gruesome pranks— Gina came over to Ella lodge to spend the weekend as she normally does because she was staying at the school hostel and Ella rented a room off campus. So after dinner that night, Ella and Gina were preparing to go to bed then suddenly Ella started jittering, holding her hands in the direction of her chest with so much pain as she fell to the ground. Gina was more agitated when Ella coughed out blood from her mouth as she struggled to mutter a word. Gina was about to run out to ask for help with tears on her cheeks already, only for Ella to stand up with so much laughter
“ Awwn so you love me this much?” Ella said, still laughing at her friend.
Gina got really angry at her and told her never to play such a prank on her again; Yet here she was truly gone. It wasn't her usual prank but a reality Gina had to accept forcefully.
Gina was yet to wrap her mind to why Ella would take her own life— she preached against it so heartedly and saw victims of such as being stupid.
“Why then would she do this?” She asked herself.
She thought of what to tell Ella's family as the morgue attendant carried her corpse to their car; she was supposed to take care of her, know her struggle and all that but she failed them. She was her only friend, who ought to know her in and out yet she can't place her hand to the question WHY.

It wasn't easy for Gina to live on after that incident. She shut herself off from the world both from family. She was alive but better died, only gazing absent minded with disregard to what was happening around her. She was lost and didn't want to be found. Both in thoughts and reality she killed herself with blames and regrets— “ If only I had been with her that night, just that night. If only I can turn the hands of time, Ella wouldn't have been raped. I let my best friend die. I blame myself for her death.”
PS: TO THE LIKES OF ELLA
Yes, death may seem to be the only escape to your despair and suffering. Yet the hurt felt from the loved ones due to your decision, lasts endless in their heart and the regrets of not being there leaves a scar. And I wonder if you thought of them before you made such a drastic decision. Don't be a victim that begets another.
TO THE LIKES OF GINA
We blame and punish ourselves in regards to what we have little or no control of, we beat ourselves with so much anguish. But the question is for how long will this self-blame keep on??
how long will this punishment and castigation beset one's heart??
And when will this self torment be adequately bailed?
It's time to let go,
Loose grasp from the shackles of such torment.
Self-guilt is right but self forgiveness is either wrong.

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